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Post by ollie marcs on May 17, 2011 18:18:24 GMT -5
I smile softly at the bundle talking to herself on the floor, brown curls’ bouncing about her head as she moves her dolls around the room, playing out imaginary scenario’s that only a two year old can dream of. Happy scenario’s, that end in unconditional love, irrevocable love, a love that lasts forever ... and for a brief second I wish I could have a two year olds masked view of the world. Forget all the evil, all the hate, and just see the positive things. The love, the happiness, the families that are together through everything. Sage continues to play, oblivious to my stares, to the fading light in my eyes as the past catches up with me, pain startling me in its intensity.
I finger the small, velvet box residing in my pocket nervously, my mind on the girl sitting in front of me but my eyes anywhere but. I can feel the sweat perspiring on the nape of my neck and I draw a hand around there quickly, swiping it away with a rough movement. I finally glance up, meet her blue eyes with my dark ones, and I watch them stare at me with curiosity, her head tilted so slightly. Her long lashes blink over her eyes and I study her in return, forgetting about the evening to come, the questions I want answered. She smiles shyly at me and all my worries melt away and I know that this is the right thing to do. I reach across the table and lace my fingers with hers, rubbing circles on the back of her hand slowly. My eyes cast down towards the table and I hesitate, my other hand back in the pocket for the ring. Slowly, carefully, I lift my eyes back up to meet hers and smile lovingly, squeezing her hand gently. “Maggie,” I begin softly, and her eyes light again at the sound of her name, her head still subtly tilted as she waits for me to talk. “Ever since high school, I’ve been crazy about you. Since the day I laid my eyes on you in economics, your crazy hair tied back and your eyes dancing with knowledge, I’ve known that you’re the girl I want for the rest of my life,” I smile at the adoration that passes over her face, and it spurs me into continuing. “It’s been three amazing years and that hasn’t changed. You’re a wonderful, amazing, brilliantly beautiful person and I love you more than I can say. You’ve changed my life in unspeakable ways, saved me even, and I can’t thank you enough for that. But i’ll give it a go,” I joke weakly, pulling the navy blue box out of my pocket and sliding it cautiously across the table. She glances down at it and her face registers what this was, a proposal, and her mouth popped open adorably. I laughed as I took her reaction in, the final question bubbling in my throat. “Maggie Reeves, ” I start, catching her eye again, tears causing them to glisten, “Will you marry me?” There’s silence for half a beat before she nods, sending tears streaming down her face. I grin as she nods harder, leaping up from the table and throwing herself at me. I smooth my hands down her back, smelling her hair, taking delight in knowing that she was mine, all mine, forever and always. Until death we do part.
The thought of death parting us nearly makes me laugh hysterically, the irony of the situation becoming clear. I pinch the bridge of my nose, sighing deeply as Sage moves further away, into her playroom, as I stand against the door frame, memories hitting me like a train, never ending, never ceasing.
She skids into the room, like a child looking for candy, and I glance at her, an expression of amusement passing my face. “What’s up, kiddo?” I ask endearingly, as she grins, a hand pushing nervously through her hair. I raise one eyebrow expectantly, waiting for her to yield but never getting my answer. Then she moves, in stark contrast to her entrance, as she sits down beside me carefully, her eyes trained on my face. “I’m pregnant...” she all but whispers and both my eyebrows shoot up, my stomach dropping. “What?” I ask in disbelief, and watch her expression dim as she registers that I’m not as excited as she obviously was. “I’m pregnant. Um, I figured you’d be happy but if you want some time to think, I’ll just ... go” she stands up to leave, obviously crushed, but I catch her wrist on the turn. “I am happy” I whisper reassuringly, offering her a smile to raise her belief. “It’s a shock, but of course I’m happy,” her smile returns and I pull her back to me, arms wrapping around her waist and holding her close. “We’re going to be parents, Oll” she whispers in my ear and my breath catches as I kiss her cheek, all kinds of emotions flooding me but the most prominent being joy. Elation. Happiness. I whisper sweet words into her ear, confirming my feelings about a baby, and she moves to rest her head on her shoulder. We talk into the early hours of the morning, raising our doubts then pushing them down again, confirming our fears but finding solutions. She falls asleep with our hands laced over her stomach, and the thought of the baby beneath our touch is enough to make me fall asleep with a smile, forever etched onto my face.
Sage was worth it. The long wait, the nine whole months we spent preparing for our daughter and yet, when she arrived we still didn’t have any clue what to do. But I knew, holding her for the first time, watching her open her eyes to study the world, that we’d be okay. We always would be, Maggie and I. It had always been the two of us against the world, but knowing we had a new life to protect, that became a whole lot more valuable.
As soon as I stepped into the house, I knew something was wrong. It was cold, empty. The television was silenced and I couldn’t hear Sage singing or dancing or pretending to be a dog. My eyebrows knit together in worry as panic engulfs me, and I’m quick to step out of my shoes and rush into the house. My sister, India, sits on the couch, chewing at her nails, staring at the blank television screen. “India?” I ask, almost hesitantly, and her head snaps up as she registers me, curiously voiding her face of all emotions as she stands to greet me. “India, what’s going on?” I ask in a quiet voice, imagining the worst. She swallows visibly and I reach for her shoulders, shaking her gently, my mind working in overdrive. She takes a deep breath. “Maggie’s gone,” she finally says, and it’s like a sudden blow to the gut, taking all the breath from me and I stumble onto the couch. “What do you mean?” I whisper, my throat working to find my voice. She sits beside me and rests one hand on my knee, comfortingly. But it’s not the hand I want. “She called me this morning, in tears, begging me to come over. I assumed something had happened to you because she wouldn’t tell me what the issue was so I came straight by. I got here and ... she handed me a note, told me to give it to you and rushed out of the door with all her stuff,” tears streaked down her cheeks and I realise she loved Maggie almost as much as I did. “She didn’t say anything else, and I couldn’t stop her. I’m sorry, Ollie,” she finishes, and she wipes furiously at her tears, looking anywhere but me. I see now that she feels guilty, terribly so, and I put my arm around her shoulders shakily, pull her against me. “She didn’t take Sage, did she?” I ask, the silence almost unbearable for a beat before she shakes her head against me, and I can breathe in relief again. “No, that’s why she wanted me. To look after her until you got here,” she sniffs and sits up, fishing in her pocket for the letter Maggie left me. I look at it, hurt and anger pooling in my eyes as I take it cautiously. I slide it open and read the note, describing why she’d gone and why we couldn’t talk. It’s all huge, crushing pain as I near the end, signed with the words ‘All my love’ and ‘I hope one day you’ll forgive me.’ Her engagement ring slides from the envelope and it’s too much to bear, the pain intoxicating me as I slide onto the floor, my head resting in my hands. India stands, then sits beside me, and together we cry, for the mess my life had just become. In one day, things had gone from one end of the spectrum to the other, and I didn’t know how I would cope.
I carried on for Sage, of course. She needed me, especially now her Mom had disappeared, and in all honesty I needed her. But every day seemed like a horror, waking up without Maggie beside me, having to face the painful honesty that she’d left and didn’t know when she was returning. I coped, but only with India’s help. The messages of condolence did little to soften the blow but I was thankful for the support all the same. Six months passed and Sage blossomed into a wonderful two year old, the light of my life, holding me together. Six months and I still wasn’t over it. Six months, an eternity. And then, I saw her face again and it all came rushing back, the five years spent together, the piece of my heart that had loved her so dearly, the one she robbed when she left. I was immediately nauseous and left work early, blinded by pain and anger. India comforted me, as she always did, with her words of wisdom which were, once more, filled with venom and hate.
I returned to the present with an almighty jolt, blinking away the stinging tears in my eyes. After all this time, after all she’d put me through, I still loved Maggie Reeves. But like hell was I going to put Sage through that again, having her Mom back with every possibility of losing her once more. I sighed and wiped my eyes, running a hand roughly through my hair before moving from my stance at the doorframe, following Sage into the playroom. I was going to play with my daughter, and I was going to forget about the evil in the world. It was time to focus on the happy things, like my undying love for my daughter. I dragged my hand through her brunette curls, rolling in the giggle that cursed through her body. This little girl was mine, forever and always. We got along fine, just the two of us.
We didn’t need anybody else.
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